if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Randomize
