Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
