Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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