i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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