Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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