She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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