ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
