I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
