I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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