now i know why i became what i already was.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So vagazzling was a success
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
