she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
