I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My life is pants optional.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
