Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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