well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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