32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
