conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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