and you said cock pushups were impossible
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
