Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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