I'm jealous of your bromance
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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