just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
In other news, I just burned my penis
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
