so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
two words: eviction party
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
