I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
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I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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