I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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