If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
