Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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