zippers are such a cool invention
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
