i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
