I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
