i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
