forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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