the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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