Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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