im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize