In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
