My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
