I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
