eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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