Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Terrible idea I love it
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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