Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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