i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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