Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
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Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
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How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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