i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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