I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
