Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize