ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
