I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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