I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
