I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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