we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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