I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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