No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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