what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
