Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
