even my farts smell like vagina
Too much gin, very little bucket
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
