i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
