I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
