i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
