Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
