I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
