So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
