i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
