She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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