i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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