I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
