I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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