She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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