After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Randomize
