Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
