That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
